It makes me upset that I am often sad and upset. That shrinks only prescribe medications just so people who are suffering from will be relying on these meds. That mental illness is a made up thing by shrinks to earn money and for pharmaceuticals to earn. It makes me upset when a relative or a family member talk about mental illness, how in their generation, everyone was happy and well. It makes me upset that I am very forgetful and that there are a lot of things that I can't remember, yet I can remember every single bad thing that had happened to me. When here I am, suffering from every single memory that I have. It makes me upset that the people who did me wrong are still living and are all okay mentally. It makes me upset that it's so hard to explain everything to everyone, including my shrink. It makes me upset when people joke about suicide or when they joke about me to just kill myself. That I won't be able to handle things because I get anxious with every little thing around me. It makes me upset when people make fun of my depression and anxiety. It makes me upset whenever I get a late response to people with whom I immediately respond once they send me a message. It feels like he/she is pushing me away and is tired of me. It makes me upset when a person who I often talk to suddenly tells me to go out of the house and have fun. It makes me upset when I see my best friend online but is not calling me on FaceTime. Every single thing upsets me and I think this is because of my depression and anxiety. It's not like I didn't get any attention when I was a child, maybe I just got used to it and it makes me sad whenever I am being ignored. I often feel like I'm always being needy with attention. How I cannot be trusted with our daughter ![]() My daughter means more to me then you ever did #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #Pain #mentalhealthpatient #mythoughts #trumaSurvivor But maybe you don’t have to arm the puzzle of your existence with the broken pieces, maybe they have to be broken to get new pieces so beeing on the border can also be the start of something new. So unresolved pain may be the reason why we live from the border, sometimes it hurts so much that I don’t longer feel human I don’t longer feel like I exist. It’s funny how you try tu run away from everything that hurts you, but it hurts you to scape, cuz is a exhausting feeling that always leeds you to the same place, to your pain. It feels like living in the border of two countries and neither of them feels like home, neither of them gives you peace it’s a constant doubt of where the hell you are because you get lost constantly. It’s like every day you are trying really hard to not succumb, to not lose your shit because if you do there’s chance you won’t comeback from that last crisis. It’s a disconcerting feeling, It might be one of my biggest fears so I try to avoid pain or conflicts because it’s when the rupture begins. ![]() I tent to feel ripped, like I’m about to be broken in million of pieces and I’m afraid that I will never be able tu put them alltogether.
0 Comments
Leave a Reply. |